Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
