i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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