She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
