You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
