Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Randomize
