i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
