If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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