I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
