I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize