I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
