Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
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