your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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