can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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