I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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