I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
