no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize