found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
this will be a night to untag.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Randomize
