So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
i think i have two assholes
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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