now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
