this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
