Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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