quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
