I look better un-naked...
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
