question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
