In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
