The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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