tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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