shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
