We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
