I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Randomize
