He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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