Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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