Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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