I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
