My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Randomize
