I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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