I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
