No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
cat food counts as protein by the way
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
