i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Randomize
