3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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