I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Randomize
