i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
