I got chris browned last night
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
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