Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
