So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
