how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
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