This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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