Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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