im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
