Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize