I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
So apparently I’m into choking now
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize