I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Randomize
