I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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