Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize