I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
