I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Randomize
