There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
