wat bout pragnant strippers??
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
