It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
