I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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