Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
