guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
