He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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