Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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