why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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