Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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