If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
