New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
