like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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