i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
