Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
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