god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
