You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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