I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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