Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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