i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
