I accidentally had phone sex last night
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Randomize
