are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
